Day 9, 10, 11, 12, 13...

I was trying to keep track of the days... counting the days, numbering the days...

I'm not sure why. Maybe I was trying to sort things out for my heart and my mind...maybe I was trying to make sense of it all, but there is no order or explanation. Beyond what the doctors can tell you, nothing about cancer makes any sense. We are all sitting around wondering if we are witnessing a miracle. Because now it's been far longer than what the doctors told us.

We were told 3-5 days. We were told to make peace and call loved ones and to say our good byes... and wait. But we couldn't just sit around and wait. It's hard to get up and go to work everyday. It's hard to justify leaving every evening to try to rest yourself. But we have no other choice.

We've had good days, bad days, horrible days, and even worse days.

But then when everything starts to feel too heavy we have days like today. It started off a little rocky. [The morphine makes her feel sick. The scenery gets old. The room gets claustrophobic.] We try to do our best to make things happy and light..we try to bring good spirits and talk about other things because we're all just so tired of talking about it [the cancer]

Sometimes, though, the only thing to do is to provide the essentials: Good homemade food and a pit bull. 

I know I've mentioned before how much the dogs attribute to my happy heart. But today I witnessed moments that I'm going lock in the pockets in my heart...to keep them safe.

I will be forever grateful for the joy that my silly little pitty has brought my sick and dying Aunty the last four months. And you don't have to be a "dog" person to appreciate the beauty and love that filled her room today.




Today I decided that I'm going to stop counting the days.. I guess at this point it doesn't really matter. The things that we need to hold on to aren't the number of days, we should be trying to hold on to the moments of love. 

I'd rather remember days like today then the ones of pain. Those days hold a far lesser value than days like today. 

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